Life in the City
By Bari Auerbach

‘Waste Not Want Not’

In an upscale city like Sunny Isles Beach, it would be a shame if certain commodities, “disposable” to some but “precious” to others, went to waste...Another way of putting this is: “One person’s trash is another savvy person’s treasure!”

 Don’t throw out bedding coupons that keep coming in the mail...Just stuff them under your mattress until you want new sheets with such a high thread count, you may need the coupons just to make a downpayment! Of course, you could always go to Marshall’s and buy more name brands for less with all the money you save.

*Don’t discard yesterday’s newspaper...Check out the winning lotto numbers, and go buy a ticket with the exact same ones. Then switch today’s paper with the one from yesterday and give the “winning” ticket to someone who deserves a little payback. Finally, wait until after they’ve bought a million dollar Sunny Isles Beach penthouse to tell them, “Ha, ha! It was just a practical joke!”

 *Don’t toss your Publix receipts ...Save them to keep track of your savings in discounts and then channel the “found” funds into smart investments or leisure activities...Just imagine - with the money you save on groceries, you can travel to exotic locales or dine out every day - so you’ll never even have to shop at Publix again (but I guess that would defeat the purpose!)

*Don’t trash day-old bagels from The Rascal House ...Let them sit for a while longer until the mold starts to form shapes reminiscent of biblical figures. Then you can sell them on e-Bay and donate the proceeds to an area religious institution dedicated to spiritual evolvement.

*Don’t get rid of holiday greeting cards ...Especially the ones from business associates and/or condo board members. You’ll need some evidence to prove well-wishes were once extended before a big deal tanks or another assessment dispute gets ugly!

*Don’t chuck steak leftover from dinner ...Donate your prime cuts to a new club called “Pure Protein” comprised of determined Sunny Isles Beach dieters (members believe carb depletion is the quickest way to achieve the “incredible shrinking physique” made popular by many of today’s most emaciated celebrities).

*Don’t ditch all those magazines piled up in your house...Put them in your car and while stuck in traffic, you can catch up on your reading! You might also want to hold onto all those instruction manuals that come with the latest high-tech gadgets so you can actually figure out how to use all the features next time you’re at a really long red light.

Think about it – if you’d saved all those extra packets of soy sauce, ketchup, sugar, croutons, napkins and plastic utensils from your to-go orders - you could have started a restaurant supply business by now! But perhaps the ultimate expression of “waste not want not” is exemplified by the commitment to promoting Sunny Isles Beach as “Florida’s Riviera” - which isn’t wasted on appreciative residents who always want to enjoy the highest quality of life!

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