By Bari Auerbach

‘There Oughta Be a Fine!’

We know if a Sunny Isles Beach motor patrol officer catches you running a red light, you may have to pay a hefty fine. But don’t you think there oughta be fines for violations like these…

Muffin Touching: There oughta be fines for touching bakery items like  muffins and bagels before picking the one you want – and in addition to “food fondling,” “produce pilfering” should be considered a flagrant offense. So next time you get the urge to pop a few grapes, just make sure you’re not caught on camera!

Line Cutting:  If a new register finally opens, what usually happens is an athletic customer races over out of nowhere faster than an Olympic sprinter – totally ignoring all the other poor souls still waiting while their hair turns gray (or grayer).  Beyond a monetary fine, a harsher penalty would be waiting on a pharmacy line – hoping to get a prescription filled before the follow-up doctor visit!

Not Re-stocking: Why is there every flavor – except plain?? If the store is always sold out of a favorite product, there oughta be a fine for the stocking manager who doesn’t know the bestsellers and keeps buying hundreds of other items that stay on the shelf forever! 

Being Too Picky: There oughta be fines issued to ultra-picky people who say things like, “Slice it a bit thinner…a little more...a little less”…(If you’ve seen the movie The Wrestler, you know what some deli attendants could get a fine for doing if they were ever caught!) Husbands should also beware they could be fined for claiming, “It’s not me - my wife likes it exactly like this!”  

‘Fine’ Behavior: Imagine if instead of fines, there were rewards bestowed for refraining from horn honking nano-seconds after a light turns green; never stealing parking spots; and always holding the condo elevator for neighbors enjoying life in Sunny Isles Beach - South Florida’s “finest” city!